As we grow we see things are done by one way, our parents’ way. We absorb
their language(s), their daily routine, we learn from them what to say, what not
to say, what to do, and what not to do. As we develop enough social skills, we
may see that somethings can be done in other ways. There were few things
that I think parents could do differently, I am sharing here with you the main
1- Choose Not To Criticize.
Children often hear their parents criticize the way they behave, the way they
speak, the way they laugh or how their teeth look like! Which can be very
painful. Criticism can make the children lose confidence, make them feel
vulnerable and believe no matter what they do they cannot be accepted.
Instead, I learned to say to my children how beautiful they look, how good
they smell, especially after a nice shower, and I praise when they behave
good and when they speak politely. When they behave improperly, I call their
attention to what they did, I explain how the way they behaved made the
other person feels, and I open the door for them to apologize, or to fix
what they did.
2- Choose Not to Compare Your Children.
This particular action from a parent can shape the children’s lives forever,
it can take the love and the trust away, and it can cause a child to be violent,
isolated or manipulative.
Instead, I always say that I love all my children, they are all my favorite,
encourage them to protect each other, and when I notice them comparing,
I have to pause and explain why we don’t do that.
3- Choose Not To Use Negative Labels.
A label simply is a name that a child is called because of a behavior, physical
appearance or just for fun, usually, this name is used instead of his own name.
Sadly some children grow up forgetting their own names if they are called
and only respond to that label.
Instead, I use my children’s first names always, occasionally, I use some
positive labels like you are my helper, a life saver, or a great painter…
4- Choose Not To Encourage The Children To Select One Parent As Their Favorite.
That usually happens by asking them: who is your favorite, mom or dad?
Or who do you love more, mom or dad? Asking the children these questions
leads them to choose one of the parents in order to answer.
Even if the parents think that one of them does more to the children, he or she
can remind the children of what the other parent does for them, why
this parent was not there at dinner time, and also reminds them how much
this parent loves them. When these questions are asked from a relative or
a friend, the answer should be: I love my both parents, I simply cannot
choose one of them over the other. That will make the children always respect and love both parents.
Parenting is a challenge that can bring the best out of each parent.You can choose not to follow your parents’ way of raising you when you disagree with it, instead, you can choose to be creative, because there are other ways to do things.