4 Things I Choose Not To Do With My Children

As we grow we see things are done by one way, our parents’ way. We absorb

their language(s), their daily routine, we learn from them what to say, what not

to say, what to do, and what not to do. As we develop enough social skills, we

may see that somethings can be done in other ways. There were few things

that I think parents could do differently, I am sharing here with you the main

1- Choose Not To Criticize.
Children often hear their parents criticize the way they behave, the way they

speak, the way they laugh or how their teeth look like! Which can be very

painful. Criticism can make the children lose confidence, make them feel

vulnerable and believe no matter what they do they cannot be accepted.

Instead, I learned to say to my children how beautiful they look, how good

they smell, especially after a nice shower, and I praise when they behave

good and when they speak politely. When they behave improperly, I call their

attention to what they did, I explain how the way they behaved made the

other person feels, and I open the door for them to apologize, or to fix

what they did.

2- Choose Not to Compare Your Children.

This particular action from a parent can shape the children’s lives forever,

it can take the love and the trust away, and it can cause a child to be violent,

isolated or manipulative.

Instead, I always say that I love all my children, they are all my favorite,

encourage them to protect each other, and when I notice them comparing,

I have to pause and explain why we don’t do that.

3- Choose Not To Use Negative Labels.

A label simply is a name that a child is called because of a behavior, physical

appearance or just for fun, usually, this name is used instead of his own name.

Sadly some children grow up forgetting their own names if they are called

and only respond to that label.

Instead, I use my children’s first names always, occasionally, I use some

positive labels like you are my helper, a life saver, or a great painter…

4- Choose Not To Encourage The Children To Select One Parent As Their Favorite.

That usually happens by asking them: who is your favorite, mom or dad?

Or who do you love more, mom or dad? Asking the children these questions

leads them to choose one of the parents in order to answer.

Even if the parents think that one of them does more to the children, he or she

can remind the children of what the other parent does for them, why

this parent was not there at dinner time, and also reminds them how much

this parent loves them. When these questions are asked from a relative or

a friend, the answer should be: I love my both parents, I simply cannot

choose one of them over the other. That will make the children always respect and love both parents.

Conclusion

Parenting is a challenge that can bring the best out of each parent.You can choose not to follow your parents’ way of raising you when you disagree with it, instead, you can choose to be creative, because there are other ways to do things.

Would You Open The Bottle?

Would you Open the bottle?
If you happen to be having a walk along the beach, or just sitting there enjoying the sun or the sunset, and you found a bottle with a piece of paper in it, would you open it?
The reason I wondered about that, is because this page acts like the other side of the world – where the message could be sent from – and I always wanted to write a short message on a piece of paper and throw it in the ocean and wait for what the ocean might bring back to me.

What if …?
The first person who chose a glass bottle to send out the message, thought it was the best choice because glass will protect the paper inside, also it is easy to see that there is a message there, and after closing the bottle it keeps a good amount of air to float easily.
But what if it is not a bottle, what if the message will come to you in a balloon that pops at your front door or backyard? What if it is in a box, or an envelop, what if it is in your inbox or your news feed?
What if it is not written on a piece of paper, and instead could it be on a piece of leather, a small piece of aluminum foil, a piece of wood or a rice grain?
Would you still get the message?

My First Message
My first message to you would be:
“Dear searcher,
Thank you for picking up my message, this means you are looking for inspiration in your life, and you will find it. Because the simple act of reading my message proves that you can do whatever it takes to find what you are looking for, and the good news is finding is reserved for the searchers. So continue to look, to practice, to read and to get inspired”.

As I am rolling it up…
My first message is ready to be sent out.
As I am putting it in the bottle, I can’t help it but wonder, would anyone find it and open it? Would I get something back?
I have to wait..

There Was Once A Time

There was once a time when I believed that the moon was chasing us.
 
And a time when I thought that all cats were females.
And a time when I thought that if I couldn’t see something, it didn’t exist.

Those times have changed

There was once a time when I thought that if I ever had a baby, I would have an epidural during the birth.
A time that I believed “rice pudding” was disgusting.

That has changed.

I had two all natural births.
I’m currently searching for a recipe for delicious rice pudding.

Time passes us by, and we find that so many of the things we thought to be true, were not necessarily.

 

If only we could remember that.

So many times, we get so very wrapped up in our thinking, that we confuse the boundaries between our thoughts and our selves; we merge them in our minds, or we imagine our thoughts and selves to be inseparable, conjoined twins.

But, we are not.

We are not our thoughts nor our thinking.

  Edward De Bono, in his book,   “Teach Your How Child to Think”.  writes quite simply,
“You” and “your thinking” are two separate matters (pg.71).
Despite the simplicity of the sentence, the concept is profound, and a major key to happiness.

By remembering that you are not your thinking, you keep your horizons open: you are aware that your thought process may be flawed and you are willing to examine it and re-evaluate your thoughts. You are willing to let go of the thoughts that hinder your growth, the thoughts that set you back. You remind yourself to resist and to refuse to succumb to the negative thoughts like “You are a loser/ a failure/ there’s nothing good about you..You remind yourself that those are simply thoughts, and that you do not need to give them power to control you.

And you are willing to listen to other thoughts; you are willing to accept other people’s thought processes.You understand that a different opinion is not an attack on you, personally, but simply nothing more than a different thought process. And so,  you are ready to put down your ego, and truly, truly, listen.

And so , I say to you again, those magical words.
,
You are not your thinking. You are not your thoughts.


Amina

Writer and Editor @ Allexandrina.com

The Love Ritual

It was a Tuesday night, and my husband was out playing soccer, as he did on Tuesdays. I would stay at home, snuggling up with one of my books, enjoying the quiet time. But before my husband would go play soccer, he would stop at the mini-market next to our house and bring me one of my favorite chocolate bars to savor during my “me time” .
        This night, though, was different. We had had a somewhat tense discussion before he had left, and I was not in the best of moods.
    But when I stepped out of my room and into the living room, I saw it. There, sitting on the table, was one of my favorite  chocolate bars.

     My husband had gone out and still brought it for me, even though we had had a disagreement.

Looking at that chocolate bar, I felt a smile tug at the corners of my heart.

He had kept the “love ritual”.

It reminded me of a post I had read before. Unfortunately, I can neither remember the author of the post nor the blog’s title, but the message was clear. It was written by a wife who said her husband always put a water bottle near her bed at night, so that if she got thirsty, she had water nearby. One day, though, they got into an argument; however, her husband still went and put the water bottle next to her bed.
He had kept the ritual.
 It probably didn’t take him much time at all. But it left a powerful message, like the chocolate bar my husband left for me.
In both cases, the rituals said, ‘Listen,  I have disagreed with you, but you are still my love and I care.
Always.”
 And while in both cases, they were rituals done by the husband, we wives have an equal obligation to keep the love growing, and keep our spouses feeling cared for. So let’s take a moment, and ask ourselves, “what is something I do for my husband as a sign of love? Is there something and I cant remember it? Or do I assume taking care of him, our children and our house is my love ritual? How do  I make him feel special?

Let’s think of something small that we can do..And let’s keep it. Come rain or snow or disagreements or busy schedules. Let’s keep it and watch the love grow.

—–
Amina
Writer and Editor @Allexandrina.com

Before you go! Please feel free to comment with your own love rituals or ideas of things a person can do for their spouse to make them feel continually loved.

Twinkle, Twinkle, Big Pink Star

“Twinkle, twinkle, little star”, my daughter requested as she requests every single night.  Almost on autopilot, I began to sing, when suddenly, I stopped and changed the words .

“Twinkle, twinkle, big, big star,” I said .
My daughter’s eyes widened. At first, she seemed about to protest the change, but then, she looked back at me, with wonder in her eyes. “I can change it?” they seemed to ask. “Yes, you can. You can change it,” my eyes answered back.
And suddenly we were seeing big pink stars that looked like squares in the sky , small purple stars that twinkled like triangles.. Suddenly, we were painting our skies with stars of every kind.
It’s funny how changing one word, changed the whole picture…how changing one word emancipated our minds from the image that had been handed down to us by others..
And so we continue to change it. Well, I continue to do so. My daughter has settled on big pink star. But I hope she knows now she can change it. She can sing her song just the way she wants to.

Amina
Writer and Editor at Allexandrina.com
P.S. Of course, there are some things that we cannot change, but we can change how we feel about them. If you need help changing the way you feel about a certain event or memory, I highly encourage you to sign up for the Personal Development course offered here.